Polyday ([info]polyday) wrote,
@ 2006-07-27 13:00:00
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I Love You. And You. And You.
I haven't seen it yet, but I hear we got namechecked in the documentary "I Love You. And You. And You." made by Firecracker Films and shown last night on Channel 4. Excellent news!

Did you see the program? What did you think?

Note that this journal is linked from the polyday.org.uk front page, so your comments are quite public; feel free to delete them if that's a problem.

-- [info]ciphergoth

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[info]calum
2006-07-27 01:15 pm UTC (link)
It was a very brief namecheck to provide some UK relevance in a programme that focussed entirely on Americans, I think.

I really didn't like the programme. It seemed to focus on the negative as much as possible, really digging to find signs of jealousy in the first relationship covered (a MFM V).

The second relationship covered didn't really need any focussing to find the negative. One man, with three female partners, who are required to be monogamous to him (even though he admits he can't fulfil all their needs), and rigourously scheduled. He also requires that the relationship is hidden from his kids to protect them, again with lots of rules about what is and isnt allowed near the kids. Yet he is prepared to put his relationship, and his kids, on TV?

I hope it opens a few eyes about polyamory, but I really don't think it was a positive programme at all.

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[info]djm4
2006-07-27 02:09 pm UTC (link)
It was a very brief namecheck to provide some UK relevance in a programme that focussed entirely on Americans, I think.

That's not completely Fircracker's fault. Pretty much no one in the UK would talk to them; certainly no one with kids would, which is what they really wanted.

It didn't help that they kept claiming to have person X or group Y 'on board' when all they'd done was talk to them. But I think they were getting very frustrated towards the end with UK folks' general reluctance to appear on TV relative to the US people they found. ;-)

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[info]calum
2006-07-27 02:21 pm UTC (link)
That's not completely Fircracker's fault.

Why is it not their fault when the main reason that no-one wanted to talk to them was due to their history of programme-making? :)

I do take your point that they couldn't find anyone in the UK - but I suspect anyone in the UK who took part would have been unhappy with the resulting programme.

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[info]funky_firelord
2006-07-27 03:01 pm UTC (link)
They did talk to people in the UK, I know a few people they interviewed, but they did say that had a huge problem finding people to come forward over here.

Firelord

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[info]ssshh
2006-08-18 02:37 pm UTC (link)
me and hubby talked to them very openly but they decided not to go with us cos were were not *doing poly* at the time. like it was our fault we got out of a relationship that didn't work all that well?

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[info]antipodes
2006-08-01 05:59 am UTC (link)
Actually, the women are NOT required to be monogamous with him. All of the women are bisexual, and have been, or are still, involved romantically with each other. Firecracker knew that, but edited that fact out.

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[info]fjm
2006-08-08 02:41 pm UTC (link)
There was a hint. Something like "they aren't permitted to be involved with members of the opposite sex".

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[info]penguinsteph
2006-10-08 02:13 pm UTC (link)
Sounded like polyfidelity to me as I don't think any of them were allowed partners outside the group. I can't remember if they said they would never add a male to the group, although I think the man was straight and their original idea had been for everyone to be involved with everyone else.

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[info]purplerabbits
2006-07-27 01:20 pm UTC (link)
Judging by the reviews our best bet for a positive poly programme might be to get some sane poly folk in a room and do a mst3000 job on a show like this!

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[info]calum
2006-07-27 05:43 pm UTC (link)
That would be a lot of fun...

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[info]wriggler
2006-07-28 02:29 am UTC (link)
I was pleasantly introduced for the first time to poly people at the recent BiCon, so I fully admit to being quite ignorant of the subject and lifestyle. I did not see the show on Channel Four. Nonetheless - speaking as someone who works in media and has worked in broadcasting - I reckon that subjects like polygamy/polyamory is unlikely to be treated fairly on commercial TV. As already mentioned, this is chiefly due to lack of reasonable willing participants. It also has to do with the voyeuristic shock value that CH4/SKY et al seem to go for, and the actual "taboo" nature of polygamy/polyamory.

I wonder what our continental broadcasting neighbours have done on this subject (surely the Dutch!?). Alternatively, an in-depth and balanced RADIO documentary would be an excellent first step to creating a truely positive picture of polygamy/polyamory (and the differences between the two), without the risk of overt public exposure for participants. I note that Grant has commendably done i/v with local BBC.

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[info]skibbley
2006-07-27 01:55 pm UTC (link)
I think it showed some flaws in the particular relationships featured and was rather framed as looking at the weird Americans. Having said that, it didn't do an editorial hatchet job, it wasn't overly simplistic (although the titling at the beginning made me worry that it would be) and people doing poly or interested in it will at least know that there are others out there trying it too and a word that might find them. More on my LJ.

(Reply to this)

I Love You. And You. And You.
[info]dave_pud_loz
2006-07-29 09:16 pm UTC (link)
Hi there we've just watched the program and we thought that it gave a negative view on polyamory. As for the matter of no english we knew nothing of the making of this program and would have been willing to at least speak to them.
Being polyamorous ourselves we found it quite frustrating to watch as it seemed to be focused on purely straight relationships where the film makers knew conflicts and jealousy were liable to arise, or at times it seemed the program makers were digging for problems or trying to make conflicts happen within the realtionships. We look at ourselves as a triangle relationship rather than a V, as we dont know any other poly families are we unusual in this respect?

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Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
[info]ciphergoth
2006-07-30 08:04 am UTC (link)
I still haven't managed to watch it - my attempt to record it went wrong, but thankfully a friend is helping me out - but what you say accords with what other poly people are saying about the programme. For my part I decided not to talk to them because the way they were behaving when looking for people to talk to alarmed me.

I know of a few other triangle relationships - you're definitely not alone! So I take it you're coming along to Polyday to meet other poly families then? :-)

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Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
[info]antipodes
2006-08-01 06:09 am UTC (link)
The women in the second relationship are all bisexual, and have been (or still are) romantically involved with one another. In fact, the fourth woman is the wife's other primary partner. I don't why Firecracker chose to hide that fact, since they knew the dynamic. Basically, there is a V and a triad: Jerome, Francisca and Angel are a V, and Jerome, Francisca, and Linda are a triad.

Firecracker also lied to all the Seattle families, telling them that this wasn't part of the "Tainted Love" series (they were directly asked, and directly denied it). They told several people that they were wanting to create a programme that showed how polyamory could be a viable alternative to monogamy.

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Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
[info]ssshh
2006-08-18 02:40 pm UTC (link)
was also a bit disturbed by them putting a poly programme under the *tainted love* header, when poly is about least tainted version of love i can think of!

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Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
(Anonymous)
2006-08-21 01:48 pm UTC (link)

Hi there,

I read your post with great interest - my name is Elin, I work for Landmark Films. In the aftermath of the channel four programme, we hope people will come forward and share theirs views on polyamory in the uk, we would like to make an intelligent and sensitive programme about the poly-lifestyle here in the UK. Getting in touch in no way oblige you to take part, but would be a valuable part in our research process.

Look forward to hearing from you.

best,
elin@landmarkfilms.com

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Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
[info]dave_pud_loz
2006-08-25 05:30 pm UTC (link)
hi, we would like to help with your programme.
our only concern is that as both of my wives now work in schools, (in a narrow minded town) they would like to keep their identities secret.
if we can help in any way please get in touch
dave, pud & loz

(Reply to this) (Parent)
Re: I Love You. And You. And You.
(Anonymous)
2006-08-30 03:13 pm UTC (link)

Hi again,

thanks for your reply and your interest - although most of the series will aim to be observational, there might be ways to include anonymous interviews. Would be good to talk more, do you have an emailaddress I can write to you directly?

best,
Elin
elin@landmarkfilms.com

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]fjm
2006-08-08 02:44 pm UTC (link)
What was odd about the programme is that there were clearly several jolly, happy, complex families at the big social gathering they went to. Yet we didn't see a focus on them. I suspect they were freaked by the idea of line marriages, complex partnerships etc. etc. But more than anything, I think they were freaked by *fat*.

All the people selected were at least approaching media ideas of beauty. To produce a programme which says, "these fat people are getting loads more sex than you; and lots of people fancy them; and they are hugely loved" may actually have been much more threatening than poly itself.

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